To be, or not to be.

Jarrod and I watched a movie tonight, called the Mona Lisa Smile. Interesting movie. And it got me thinking…

First, let me tell you a bit about myself. I used to play 3 sports a year, one in each season since I was in middle school. Soccer, volleyball, and softball. Played the flute, and saxophone, and was a part of a jazz band as well as a concert band. In middle school, I competed and won the opportunity to be the only kid in my entire school to attend a girls math and science camp at Stanford for the summer. In high school, I again applied and competed for a spot in a program called Tomorrow’s Leaders Today, where a select few kids from each high school around the area got a chance to tour a different career on site, once a month, for a year. I was the editor of my high school yearbook. I got a GPA average score of 4.67 in my freshman year in high school, and kept it pretty close for the following years. Took every honors course or AP course that I could. Took French for 4 years. And I was in Girl Scouts from the first grade until I graduated from high school; raised enough money with them over the years to go to Europe for a month after graduating high school.

Crazy.

I remember my counselor telling me this: “You can get into Stanford, easy. Please don’t go to the local Junior College.” But I did.

See, I could have gone to an Ivy League college, Standford even. But God’s plans are not our plans. For the reason only God knows, I stayed here, in my hometown. Never left. Met Jarrod. Got married. And had my beautiful baby girl.

I always catch myself thinking that thought, from time to time. Like tonight when we watched that movie. My life would have been completely different. I might have never accepted Christ into my life. I might have never met Jarrod. I might have never had my baby girl. And I can scarcely fathom those thoughts. It seems like my Ivy League college life would have been utterly meaningless without what I have now. And yet, that thought crosses my mind once in a while.

Tonight, I took a part from the movie we watched to heart. A young woman was like me, with dreams of going to Yale University to be a lawyer. But decided to get married and stay home. The lines were between her and the teacher:

“It was my choice, not to go. He would have supported it.”
“But you don’t have to choose.”
“No, I have to. I want a home, a family. That’s not something I’ll sacrifice.”
“No one’s asking you to sacrifice that, Joan. I just want you to understand that you can do both.”
“Think I’ll wake up one day and regret not being a lawyer?”
“Yes I’m afraid you will.”
“Not as much as I’d regret not having a family. Not being there to raise them. I know exactly what I’m doing. And it doesn’t make me any less smart.”

I pray about these feelings whenever these thoughts cross my mind. But that’s it, exactly the way that character said it. I’m not any less smart. It’s all still there! It’s just being used in a different way than planned. I have to constantly remember, our ways are not God’s ways. And I’m so incredibly blessed and so incredibly happy to be where I am now.

 

 

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2 thoughts on “To be, or not to be.

  1. Being a wife and mother are the greatest gifts God has given us a women. It is a role not to be taken lightly, and one to be truly proud of 👍🏼

    Like

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